Yes, I’m a Mom of 3. 3 beautiful, perfect little girls. The light of our lives, love that extends to the stars and back. I wouldn’t change a thing.
So you can understand my irritation, when I see my perfect family, when people suggest that it’s anything less. “Didn’t get that boy you were trying for huh?” What the heck kind of question is that? How would you like me to respond? Seriously, is any response appropriate?
Let me tell you something. The decision to have a child is a massive one. You’ll be a parent to that child for the rest of your life. That child will be yours to care for, love, raise and nurture. It’s a much bigger decision than just having a child of a particular sex. Especially considering that WE CAN’T CONTROL THE SEX OF OUR CHILDREN. So why on earth would we base such a massive decision on solely one criteria, which we have no control of? I wholeheartedly hope that there was more consideration to the decision making process than that.
No. We wanted 3 children. We’ve wanted 3 children for as long as we can remember. I met my husband as a teenager and we talked about it then. We both agreed on 3, way back then, on the sidewalk in front of his house. 2 decades later we married. Then we started our dream of a family of 5.
We’re not disappointed we don’t have a boy. We’re thrilled that we have the family we always dreamed of. Our 3 beautiful, healthy, smart, funny and loving children.
It’s not to say that we wouldn’t have welcomed a boy, should he have arrived. However the suggestion that we should be disappointed we didn’t get one is distasteful to put it mildly.
The conversation goes on of course, when I say “No, we wanted 3 children and that’s what we have.” As if I was too dense to catch their drift that I should be disappointed or worse, they then suggest “Just wait until they’re teenagers! 3 TEENAGED GIRLS!”
We’re fully aware that our children will grow up to be teenagers. That is the plan. The alternative would be devastating.
Female teenagers have challenges. Male teenagers have challenges. How do we know? I was once one and my husband was once the other. We’ve been there. That decade didn’t slip our minds when we chose to have children. We’re fully aware. We’ve grown up in this society and have witnessed both the highs and lows of teenaged life by both sexes. That’s being a teenager.
Each of our girls is unique. We look forward to watching them grow. That was the point. We know it won’t always be easy but it will always be an adventure that we accepted fully and openly when we chose to have our children. So to suggest that our children are going to become nightmares because they’re girls is offensive. No, I’m not being overreactive. You’re being rude to suggest such a thing. Think about it.
Parents are genetically protective of their children. It is how the human race has survived. So to suggest that we have somehow failed. That we *should* be disappointed about something that we had no control over and cannot change is asinine. Yup, that’s what I said. Now go look it up.
Assume that each family is as they are meant to be and to suggest anything less is an attack on that family. I’m a Mom of 3 girls and proud of it! Think carefully before choosing your words. Consider what you’re suggesting, even if it’s not your intention. How we consider our girls and later, women in our society needs to be a conscious decision.
To take this further, you may want to review our post A Men’s Issue: Men’s Violence Against Women. Dr. Jackson Katz referred to the societal dialog regarding women (and the men’s violence against them) being perpetuated in our language. However subtle, blaming women, making men’s issues women’s issues. Shifting responsibility to the failing of women rather than the failing of men. Maybe this is where it starts. Suggesting, although I’m sure you didn’t mean it that way, that having girls isn’t enough. That we should be disappointed in some way, that we failed to have that “perfect” family by failing to have a boy. Are comments like this the groundwork for future denigrating remarks and deflections on the whole?
I for one refuse to entertain anything other than heartfelt congratulations in regard to my family. It is our perfect family, our perfect mix. I will call out any disparaging comments to the fact that we have girls. Your intention means nothing when your words are offensive. Think about your internal dialog before you voice it to the world.